Renesmee, chatting to her friends at lunch: Yeah, my mom got married super young, straight out of high school, to a guy who was way too old for her. She got knocked up immediately. They kept the whole pregnancy a secret, she didn’t leave the house the entire time she was showing. My dad’s family didn’t even want to take her to the hospital to have the baby. My grandad, who was a doctor, was going to deliver me but she went into labour prematurely, like, way prematurely and they couldn’t reach him so my dad ended up having to deliver me even though he had no experience. Anyway, she died in childbirth. She was only eighteen.
there’s this new scam going around where someone puts your dick in their mouth and gobbles on it until you bust. Obviously this siphons off nutrients and moisture from your body - they walk away with ‘em scot-free. Not good, and a lot of people are falling for it. Mostly it’s girls doing it but they’re not the only ones. Stay frosty out there
They call it a “blow job” on the mean streets but I’ll be the first to tell you, it’s no career for an honest man
let jonathan vent his heart out and so generously shared all his weed
gave jon, will, and el rides to school every day
did a whole airport pickup for them and mike
called mike a shitty knockoff and put him in his place for being so fake with will while also being cool af about it
did his best to reassure el about the skate attack
saved the cali crew’s asses from being shot to death
stole his company vehicle
had a man die in the backseat
had to bury mans body
made him a gravestone
had a thing with susie’s sister eden and hotboxed in the van
identified the tracks leading to NINA and el
came up with the plan and secured them the Nevada surfer boy pizza location for their rescue mind mission
made a delicious pineapple pizza and got mike to have yet another fruity experience
put up with those two backseat boys with MAD ATTITUDE towards him the whole time, always questioning and rolling their eyes
probably paid for insane amounts of gas and food cause hes the one with a job
DROVE THEM ACROSS THE COUNTRY TOWARDS THE LITERAL GATES OF HELL
can actually identify edible and psychedelic mushrooms WHICH WILL PROBABLY SAVE THEM in the coming apocalypse
ALL with a smile on his face (minus the brief, REASONABLE freakout), a great attitude and not even asking anybody to worry about how HE’S getting home, paying for this shit, and explaining this to his parents and/or the cops if he gets caught for burying a DEAD BODY, running from the military WITH their fugitives, and stealing his work vehicle.
the guy is an absolute hero and he does it all with rainbow socks, long luscious hair, and a joint in hand. legend.
